Rule No. 1 - Never walk
without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking
employees heading
for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look
like they're
heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand
look like
they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry
loads of
stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression
that you
work longer hours than you do.
Rule No. 2 - Use
computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual
observer.
You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have
a blast
without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't
exactly the
societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution
would like
to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by
your boss
-- and you will get caught -- your best defence is to claim you're
teaching
yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training
dollars.
Rule No. 3 - Keep a messy
desk.
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us,
it looks
like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents
around
your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as
today's
work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know
somebody
is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway
down in an
existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.
Rule No. 4 - Use voice
mail.
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call
you just
because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call
because
they want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen
all your
calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message
for you
and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when
you know
they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and
conscientious even
though you're being a devious weasel.
Rule No. 5 - Look
impatient & annoyed.
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give
your bosses
the impression that you are always busy.
Rule No. 6 - Leave the
office late.
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still
around. You
could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read
but have
no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the
boss' room on
your way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35
p.m., 7:05
a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.
Rule No. 7 - Use sighing
for effect.
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the
impression that
you are under extreme pressure.
Rule No. 8 - Opt for the
stacking strategy.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots
of books
on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).
Rule No. 9 - Build your
vocabulary.
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and
new
products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses.
Remember;
they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound
impressive.
Rule No. 10 - Don't get
caught.
MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this to your boss by mistake!
